Completely Random

[ptps.livejournal.com]

Title: Pass the Salt plz
Rating: PG
Topic: Fast (but maybe kind of off.)
Word Count: 276
Pairing: Dumbassery OT5 at lunchtime. Although it's more of OT3 here.
A/N: Everything I write never makes sense anymore. Also, if you typo while typing "word count", sometimes you get "word cunt". WHICH IS DISTURBING TO THINK ABOUT. But anyway.



“Hey Usopp,” Luffy said, picking remnants of lunch from between his teeth with a fishbone, “who runs faster: you, or Sanji?”

“Me, duh,” the sniper scoffed, and shoved his spoon of soup into his mouth. Then choked on it when Sanji non-too-subtly kicked his chair from under the table, where he was seated opposite.

“Cool, Usopp, how’d you do that?!”

Usopp choked. Coughed. Wheezed. Bubbled more soup out of his nostrils.

“Oi! Spill! Don’t keep it to yourself!”

“His plate is open,” Sanji remarked, still eating from his own with the kind of finesse only he ever bothered to display.

Luffy pounced. Usopp, still turning blue, managed to grab his fork off the table and thoroughly stab Luffy’s hand into the tablecloth with it. The captain screeched.

Nami set her cup down with an overly pronounced terracotta thunk.

“That hurt!”

“Shut up.”

“Ow. Eeeew, gross, there’s food in where you stabbed me.” Then Luffy crammed his hand into his mouth and made equally gross sucking noises.

“Captain Usopp will not tolerate being made a fool of!” Usopp shouted, one boot on the bench, chest thrown out, one hand fisted, the other hand stabbing Sanji between his blond bangs while the cook calmly sipped his soup. “Captain Usopp challenges you, Sanji, Cook of the Ero! We fighto!”

“'Cook of the Ero'?” Zoro mumbled into his tankard (though the grin was exposed in his voice).

Sanji deliberately set his fork down. Shifted in his seat. Got up.

Usopp ran shrieking out the door.

Sanji sat back down. Resumed eating. Swallowed. “Luffy? His plate.”

“Oooh.” Luffy rammed his head facedown in Usopp’s food and began scouring the ceramic clean.