(no subject)
Apr. 16th, 2005 11:56 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sherrymarie.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
onepieceyaoi100Title: Zosan and The Lost Treasure of The Sodomites - Parts 7-11
Pairing: ZxS!
Word Count Part 7: 299
Word Count Part 8: 319 (d'oh!)
Word Count Part 9: 288
Word Count Part 10: 339 (oops)
Word Count Part 11: 280
Topic: exaggerated genre/writing style
Summery: Zoro and Sanji are super sleuths in a 1950s teen mystery adventure. Move over Hardy Boys, here comes something gayer!
A/N: DONE. I would just like to take a small moment to tell everyone who has commented and encouraged me to continue this series that I think that you are both creepy and sick. *sniff* I love my peoples. *group hug* Oh, what the hell. *group grope*
A/N #2: Gah, I fucked this up about three times before it posted correctly. Sorry if anyone saw that! That's what I get for staying up late and writing gay pr0n!
As dawn broke and sunlight began to peak through the lush tree tops around Long Tree Lake, Sanji Johnson and his good buddy Zoro had already started to make their way down towards the caves where their map indicated that the lost treasure of the heathen pirates would be found. Following close behind his friend in the hazy hint of daybreak, the blonde boy raised a hand to his face to cover a large yawn.
The two of them hadn’t really been able to sleep the night before since they had to work so hard at protecting one another from the life threatening chill of the forest. It was exhausting work, but they had manage to save one another’s life over and over and over and over again. Sanji grinned proudly to know that he had such a friend that would be so willing, eager even, to protect him so selflessly from danger.
“We’re here.”
Startled from his thoughts, Sanji looked up in surprise to see that they had indeed already reached the dark mossy caves.
“Golly, that was fast!” he remarked to his friend.
“Fast? We’ve been walking for over an hour! Where has your head been, you great big Space Case!”
Sanji ducked and blushed under Zoro’s friendly teasing.
“Yeah, you caught me. I guess I was woolgathering for a while back there.”
Zoro put a concerned hand on his shoulder.
“Are you sure? You’re not cold are you? Muddled brain is one of the first indications of hypothermia.”
Sanji looked alarmed.
“Honest?”
Zoro nodded gravely.
“Well, maybe I am cold and I just can’t tell on account of my brains being all muddled and junk.”
Zoro pulled him towards a nearby clearing.
“Don’t worry, pal. We’ll get those brains of yours straightened up in no time!”
***
It was after lunchtime before the pair finally started their decent down into the foreboding caves in search of the hidden treasure. It had taken a long time and numerous attempts to get Sanji’s brains all straight again, but Zoro was persistent, and had happily declared the blond boy muddle-free over a couple of delicious and nutritious peanut butter and jelly sandwiches they had shared at the foot of a large shady oak tree. After eating and cleaning up their picnic area, the boys put their pants back on and went in search of treasure.
Zoro walked first, holding a large dependable flashlight in front of him. Despite the reassuring presence of his friend, Sanji was starting to feel nervous as they walked further into the cave.
“Hey, Zoro?”
“Yeah, buddy?”
“Its awfully dark in here, don’t ya think?”
“It is. But I expected it would be, seeing that this is a cave and all.”
Sanji nodded at his perceptive friend.
“Yeah, but there’s no sunlight here.”
Zoro stopped and turned to look at him. Sanji continued in a rush voice.
“And, well, you said that Satanists and homosexuals are afraid of the sunlight. I mean, couldn’t they be hiding somewhere in the dark? Everybody knows that darkness is the devils’ shadow ”
Zoro’s hand slid around his waist, and the green-haired boy leaned close to Sanji.
“These here caves have been abandoned for years. Trust me, there are no Satanists or homosexuals anywhere near here.”
His hand slid down and squeezed Sanji’s hip in assurance.
“Sorry, Zoro, I didn’t mean to go completely bonkers on you.”
The hand squeezed again, and began moving in slow circles.
“Its not a problem, buddy. Its what I’m here for.”
Sanji was about to reply when something grabbed his attention.
“Hey, Zoro, what’s that over there?”
The other boy glanced to where Sanji pointed and smiled.
“That looks to be our treasure ”
***
It was a straight line of light cutting along the bottom of the far wall that had drawn Sanji’s rather distracted attention. The boys immediately rushed over to examine the occurrence.
“You know what, buddy? I bet you a nickle that the treasure room is just beyond this wall.”
Sanji’s heart sped up with excitement and Zoro took out the map to study it.
“According to this, there is a secret door leading to the treasure room. All we have to do is trip the trigger to get in.”
“Really? ? But, how are we going to know what the trigger is?”
“Not to worry, pal, those crafty ole sodomites told us exactly what to do. Go and find the longest and thickest stalagmite, get a good firm grip on it, and give it a nice slow pull. I’ll bet you two nickels that that’ll pop that secret door wide open.”
Sanji looked around, and quickly located the thickest and longest stalagmite in the cavern. He reached out, got a good grip, and started to pull.
Nothing happened.
He pulled again, and the cave remained silent.
“Hey, Zoro I don’t think that its working. ”
“It will, just keep at it. Maybe you should pull at it a little faster, and grip it harder.”
Sanji did as he was instructed.
“I think its starting to work, Sanji. Keep it up ”
Eager for results, Sanji applied both hands and pulled with all of his might over and over and over again until he was straining and sweating with exertion. Suddenly, there was a large pop and the sound of something heavy sliding against stone.
“You did it! ” Zoro cried, “ The secret door is open and the treasure must be inside! ”
***
The secret room was a bit brighter than the pitch black caverns from which the pair had just emerged, but it was still too hazy for them to navigate clearly without the aide of Zoro’s trusty flashlight. Sanji walked close to his friend as they made their way through.
Zoro swung his flashlight around the dusty shadow-lit room until the bright beam found and rested upon a worn brown chest in the center. The boys were laughing and giddy with excitement as they ran over.
Sanji took out his pocket knife from his days as a cub scout and went to work on the rusted lock, as Zoro stood behind him holding the flashlight steady. Almost immediately, the decrepitate lock split open, and Zoro knelt beside him to peer inside.
The blonde boy’s smile faded considerably when his eyes were not greeted by the pile of gold and jewels as expected. At first, he thought the chest to be empty, until his friend reached in and pulled out what appeared to be an old dusty book.
“Is that a book?”
Zoro nodded, and began to wipe the thick layer of dust coating the well worn cover.
“I don’t get it, Zoro. That book doesn’t look like any valuable treasure to me”
Zoro was squinting to read the small title print.
“What is it Zoro? Is it the bible? I mean, I can see how that would be a treasure.”
“Its not the bible. Its something called ‘The Gay Kama Sutra’.”
Sanji looked confused and was starting to feel frustrated by the lack of treasure.
“Well, jeepers! Who the heck is Kama Sutra? And why is he so happy? And what has that have to do with treasure ? ”
There was no answer, and Sanji turned to look at his friend, who was now sitting on the floor with the book on his lap. He looked completely immersed in what he was seeing on the frail pages and did not appear to be listening to a word the blond was saying.
***
Sanji peered at his silent friend with concern.
“Zoro? Are you listening to me?”
“Shut up, Bitch.”
Shocked reeled through Sanji’s entire body. He stumbled backwards as if shoved until he lost his footing all together and landed hard on the damp ground. His mouth opened and closed several times before he managed sound, and even then, his voice was no more than a strained whisper.
“Zoro. Do you know what you just said?”
The other boy did not respond, but instead, kept looking down at the book and then back up at Sanji. He did this several times with his brow creased in concentration. Finally, he closed the book and set it aside, and then to Sanji’s great dismay, clicked off the flashlight.
Sanji was close to panicking when he heard the sounds of his friend crawling towards him. Large hands grabbed his ankles and pulled until he was sprawled flat. Frightened, Sanji started to sit up, but an insistent hand on his chest pushed him back. The other boy leaned over him.
“Listen, buddy, don’t you think it would be awfully silly of us to come all of this way and then not get to enjoy the treasure at the end?”
Zoro sounded so reasonable that Sanji felt ashamed and stupid that he didn’t understand what the other boy was talking about.
“But—“
“Shhh.” a warm rush of breath against his cheek, and then there were hands at the fly of his jeans, pulling the zipper down.
“Am I cold?” Sanji wondered in a small voice.
A dark chuckled curled through the deep and tiny hollow of his burning ear. A warm tongue lapped the edge.
“Yeah. Freezing.”
***
THE END
Pairing: ZxS!
Word Count Part 7: 299
Word Count Part 8: 319 (d'oh!)
Word Count Part 9: 288
Word Count Part 10: 339 (oops)
Word Count Part 11: 280
Topic: exaggerated genre/writing style
Summery: Zoro and Sanji are super sleuths in a 1950s teen mystery adventure. Move over Hardy Boys, here comes something gayer!
A/N: DONE. I would just like to take a small moment to tell everyone who has commented and encouraged me to continue this series that I think that you are both creepy and sick. *sniff* I love my peoples. *group hug* Oh, what the hell. *group grope*
A/N #2: Gah, I fucked this up about three times before it posted correctly. Sorry if anyone saw that! That's what I get for staying up late and writing gay pr0n!
As dawn broke and sunlight began to peak through the lush tree tops around Long Tree Lake, Sanji Johnson and his good buddy Zoro had already started to make their way down towards the caves where their map indicated that the lost treasure of the heathen pirates would be found. Following close behind his friend in the hazy hint of daybreak, the blonde boy raised a hand to his face to cover a large yawn.
The two of them hadn’t really been able to sleep the night before since they had to work so hard at protecting one another from the life threatening chill of the forest. It was exhausting work, but they had manage to save one another’s life over and over and over and over again. Sanji grinned proudly to know that he had such a friend that would be so willing, eager even, to protect him so selflessly from danger.
“We’re here.”
Startled from his thoughts, Sanji looked up in surprise to see that they had indeed already reached the dark mossy caves.
“Golly, that was fast!” he remarked to his friend.
“Fast? We’ve been walking for over an hour! Where has your head been, you great big Space Case!”
Sanji ducked and blushed under Zoro’s friendly teasing.
“Yeah, you caught me. I guess I was woolgathering for a while back there.”
Zoro put a concerned hand on his shoulder.
“Are you sure? You’re not cold are you? Muddled brain is one of the first indications of hypothermia.”
Sanji looked alarmed.
“Honest?”
Zoro nodded gravely.
“Well, maybe I am cold and I just can’t tell on account of my brains being all muddled and junk.”
Zoro pulled him towards a nearby clearing.
“Don’t worry, pal. We’ll get those brains of yours straightened up in no time!”
***
It was after lunchtime before the pair finally started their decent down into the foreboding caves in search of the hidden treasure. It had taken a long time and numerous attempts to get Sanji’s brains all straight again, but Zoro was persistent, and had happily declared the blond boy muddle-free over a couple of delicious and nutritious peanut butter and jelly sandwiches they had shared at the foot of a large shady oak tree. After eating and cleaning up their picnic area, the boys put their pants back on and went in search of treasure.
Zoro walked first, holding a large dependable flashlight in front of him. Despite the reassuring presence of his friend, Sanji was starting to feel nervous as they walked further into the cave.
“Hey, Zoro?”
“Yeah, buddy?”
“Its awfully dark in here, don’t ya think?”
“It is. But I expected it would be, seeing that this is a cave and all.”
Sanji nodded at his perceptive friend.
“Yeah, but there’s no sunlight here.”
Zoro stopped and turned to look at him. Sanji continued in a rush voice.
“And, well, you said that Satanists and homosexuals are afraid of the sunlight. I mean, couldn’t they be hiding somewhere in the dark? Everybody knows that darkness is the devils’ shadow ”
Zoro’s hand slid around his waist, and the green-haired boy leaned close to Sanji.
“These here caves have been abandoned for years. Trust me, there are no Satanists or homosexuals anywhere near here.”
His hand slid down and squeezed Sanji’s hip in assurance.
“Sorry, Zoro, I didn’t mean to go completely bonkers on you.”
The hand squeezed again, and began moving in slow circles.
“Its not a problem, buddy. Its what I’m here for.”
Sanji was about to reply when something grabbed his attention.
“Hey, Zoro, what’s that over there?”
The other boy glanced to where Sanji pointed and smiled.
“That looks to be our treasure ”
***
It was a straight line of light cutting along the bottom of the far wall that had drawn Sanji’s rather distracted attention. The boys immediately rushed over to examine the occurrence.
“You know what, buddy? I bet you a nickle that the treasure room is just beyond this wall.”
Sanji’s heart sped up with excitement and Zoro took out the map to study it.
“According to this, there is a secret door leading to the treasure room. All we have to do is trip the trigger to get in.”
“Really? ? But, how are we going to know what the trigger is?”
“Not to worry, pal, those crafty ole sodomites told us exactly what to do. Go and find the longest and thickest stalagmite, get a good firm grip on it, and give it a nice slow pull. I’ll bet you two nickels that that’ll pop that secret door wide open.”
Sanji looked around, and quickly located the thickest and longest stalagmite in the cavern. He reached out, got a good grip, and started to pull.
Nothing happened.
He pulled again, and the cave remained silent.
“Hey, Zoro I don’t think that its working. ”
“It will, just keep at it. Maybe you should pull at it a little faster, and grip it harder.”
Sanji did as he was instructed.
“I think its starting to work, Sanji. Keep it up ”
Eager for results, Sanji applied both hands and pulled with all of his might over and over and over again until he was straining and sweating with exertion. Suddenly, there was a large pop and the sound of something heavy sliding against stone.
“You did it! ” Zoro cried, “ The secret door is open and the treasure must be inside! ”
***
The secret room was a bit brighter than the pitch black caverns from which the pair had just emerged, but it was still too hazy for them to navigate clearly without the aide of Zoro’s trusty flashlight. Sanji walked close to his friend as they made their way through.
Zoro swung his flashlight around the dusty shadow-lit room until the bright beam found and rested upon a worn brown chest in the center. The boys were laughing and giddy with excitement as they ran over.
Sanji took out his pocket knife from his days as a cub scout and went to work on the rusted lock, as Zoro stood behind him holding the flashlight steady. Almost immediately, the decrepitate lock split open, and Zoro knelt beside him to peer inside.
The blonde boy’s smile faded considerably when his eyes were not greeted by the pile of gold and jewels as expected. At first, he thought the chest to be empty, until his friend reached in and pulled out what appeared to be an old dusty book.
“Is that a book?”
Zoro nodded, and began to wipe the thick layer of dust coating the well worn cover.
“I don’t get it, Zoro. That book doesn’t look like any valuable treasure to me”
Zoro was squinting to read the small title print.
“What is it Zoro? Is it the bible? I mean, I can see how that would be a treasure.”
“Its not the bible. Its something called ‘The Gay Kama Sutra’.”
Sanji looked confused and was starting to feel frustrated by the lack of treasure.
“Well, jeepers! Who the heck is Kama Sutra? And why is he so happy? And what has that have to do with treasure ? ”
There was no answer, and Sanji turned to look at his friend, who was now sitting on the floor with the book on his lap. He looked completely immersed in what he was seeing on the frail pages and did not appear to be listening to a word the blond was saying.
***
Sanji peered at his silent friend with concern.
“Zoro? Are you listening to me?”
“Shut up, Bitch.”
Shocked reeled through Sanji’s entire body. He stumbled backwards as if shoved until he lost his footing all together and landed hard on the damp ground. His mouth opened and closed several times before he managed sound, and even then, his voice was no more than a strained whisper.
“Zoro. Do you know what you just said?”
The other boy did not respond, but instead, kept looking down at the book and then back up at Sanji. He did this several times with his brow creased in concentration. Finally, he closed the book and set it aside, and then to Sanji’s great dismay, clicked off the flashlight.
Sanji was close to panicking when he heard the sounds of his friend crawling towards him. Large hands grabbed his ankles and pulled until he was sprawled flat. Frightened, Sanji started to sit up, but an insistent hand on his chest pushed him back. The other boy leaned over him.
“Listen, buddy, don’t you think it would be awfully silly of us to come all of this way and then not get to enjoy the treasure at the end?”
Zoro sounded so reasonable that Sanji felt ashamed and stupid that he didn’t understand what the other boy was talking about.
“But—“
“Shhh.” a warm rush of breath against his cheek, and then there were hands at the fly of his jeans, pulling the zipper down.
“Am I cold?” Sanji wondered in a small voice.
A dark chuckled curled through the deep and tiny hollow of his burning ear. A warm tongue lapped the edge.
“Yeah. Freezing.”
***
THE END
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-04-17 05:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-17 05:56 am (UTC)Thank you for adding stalagmites to my ever growing list of things which, do to One Piece fic, have become dirty in my mind.
I'm so glad Sanji has such a good friend like Zoro around to warm him up and unmuddle his brains. I love the image of Sanji and Zoro sitting around eating pb&j pantless. The “Shut up, Bitch.” line killed me. Dead. And Sanji's reaction to Zoro wanting them to enjoy the treasure was very adorably clueless.
This whole series is going in my memories.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 12:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-17 02:10 pm (UTC)ahahha.go rape sanji!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 12:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-17 03:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 12:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-17 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 12:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-18 12:34 am (UTC)*dies*
OMG I LOVE YOU!
no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 12:52 am (UTC)Please don't die.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 11:59 pm (UTC)*smacks forehead* Why didn't I think of the obvious???
Thank you so much for finishing this series! Now I'm going to go back and read it all over again just to see which, if any, of the characters really believed that they weren't perverts.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 12:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-20 03:52 am (UTC)"Trust me, there are no Satanists or homosexuals anywhere near here.”
Aha. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha. Did I mention you win?
The ending is the most hardcore thing ever.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 12:54 am (UTC)HARDCORE.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 12:15 am (UTC)This idea was so awesome and you pulled it off so well. The language especially made it work. You Rock!
no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 12:55 am (UTC)Sorry I'm late...
Date: 2005-04-27 05:22 pm (UTC)For now, you DEFINITELY get Tentacle!Sanji. *bounces*
Re: Sorry I'm late...
Date: 2005-04-27 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-06 05:57 pm (UTC)AHAHA That was hilarious. and Zoro is just totally creepy in the end. ME LIKEY.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-20 09:30 pm (UTC)"Am I cold?"
This series is fab. You are fab. End of.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 08:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-13 01:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-21 08:51 pm (UTC)