Bottoms Up

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Whee, orgyness! Due to work, I won't be deciding a winner until about this time tomorrow, so if you got any more - gimme gimme! Meanwhile, just to throw this into the pot:

Title: Bottoms Up
Pairing: ZULS (LUZS? SLUZ?)
Rating: R
Wordcount: 300



Men on the high seas, sailing with only their shipmates for weeks at a time, will get up to all manner of things, sooner or later. It was anyone's guess how this particular topic had arisen, however, since Nami hadn't even been with them in the galley.

"Maybe not in the world. But on this ship, damn straight!" Sanji said, flicking ash emphatically.

"How would you even know?" Zoro demanded. "It's not like you can test yourself."

"Process of elimination. I know I'm better than you, shit swordsman. Just lying there, not lifting a finger--a little resistance spices things up, you know. It'd be more fun sticking it in an actual cabbage!

"And Luffy--not to say that rubber doesn't have its uses, but one can be overly flexible. Too stretchy."

"What about--"

"Don't say Chopper. Too furry."

"Usopp."

"Did someone mention Captain Usopp?" Usopp interjected, swaggering into the galley.

"There's no contest."

"How come you say that like you know?" Sanji asked suspiciously.

"Of course there's no contest! Best in the world! Pirates used to come to me from miles around, just to experience it for themselves! ...What are we talking about, again?"

For all their bickering, when called for Sanji and Zoro could act in perfect synchronization, moving like extensions of the same body. "Only one way to decide this," Sanji declared.

Zoro nodded and grabbed Usopp.

"I'll get Luffy," and Sanji headed out the door.

"Zoro?" Usopp asked, trying to extricate himself, unsuccessfully. Zoro knew exactly how much force was needed to keep him in place without hurting him. Which wasn't, in truth, that much; if Zoro only needed one hand to hold him, it left the other free...

"Don't worry," Zoro rumbled in his ear. "You'll come out of this with bragging rights, guaranteed."

Comments

[bossgoji.livejournal.com]

Bah, Chopper gets no love. But it's still funny.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

It's not that I don't love Chopper muchly, it's just, between the beastiality, and the shota...(yah, I know he's supposed to be 16. but he sounds and looks more like 6)!

[bossgoji.livejournal.com]

I always imagined Zoro using him as a self-heating pillow. Sex is not the be-all-end-all of gayosity, y'know.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

oh, in terms of actual love and such, that's fine. it's just in the particular case of this drabble he's a little young to compete. for me. ^^

[fenm.livejournal.com]

I know he's supposed to be 16. but he sounds and looks more like 6)!

I've heard 15.

[ghostkotsuzaka.livejournal.com]

lol that was amusing xD everyone so in char too.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

thanks! ^^

[jadeprince.livejournal.com]

Makes me wonder if Sanji ever gets desperate enough to -actually- stick it to a real cabbage. Somehow I wouldn't be surprised. *snort*

Much fun. X3

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

*mental note - do not eat Sanji's coleslaw. that ain't mayonaise...*

[jadeprince.livejournal.com]

*dies*

But, mm-mm! It's still tasty!

Usopp, Zoro, and Luffy: *look up from their coleslaw with shining faces* Seconds, please!

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

*sporfles*

[fenm.livejournal.com]

O_O

[bluepard.livejournal.com]

We really need the next crewmember's name to start with a T.

I love that it's gone from pissing contests to jizzing contests, and I love Usopp once again getting himself into trouble by running his mouth. Great. XD

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

T-BONE JOINS THE CREW!

...I am not writing SLUTZ. NO WAY.

[bluepard.livejournal.com]

But he's got inner beauty!

[lady-karasu.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I almost commented with the same thing...

Dude, this rocked SO hard- gave me one hell of a *squee!* at work. Its SO CUTE (in a sexy sort of way) ^_^ I love it! Tentacle!Sanji for you~

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

tentacle!Sanji! how I have missed you!

glad you liked ^__^

[sherriaisling.livejournal.com]

Well, if you ignore that it's his last name (or names), the T spot is already filled. Tony Tony Chopper. Maybe Vivi was onto something calling him Tony-kun. ~_^

[bluepard.livejournal.com]

Wait, wait, wait. The male crewmember's names spell out SLUTZ? Oh man. Note to self: icon!

[sherriaisling.livejournal.com]

Nice coincidence, that. ^__^

icon The prospect of that makes me so happy! I love your icons!

[bluepard.livejournal.com]

They could start their own band!

And thanks. =)

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

*slaps forehead* well duh! why didn't I think of that? obviously I should've included the good doctor after all ^___^

[lady-karasu.livejournal.com]

Gah! I forgot about that- it occurred for all of two minutes earlier, while trying to pretend I wasn't just on the internet at work after giggling my ass off... ^__^

[sherriaisling.livejournal.com]

*prods you* Sequel then? Reindeer need loving too.

[beanchan.livejournal.com]

Pirates used to come to me from miles around, just to experience it for themselves!

I'm sure they did Usopp

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

*snicker* I think your icon expresses it perfectly, really!

[sherriaisling.livejournal.com]

For all their bickering, when called for Sanji and Zoro could act in perfect synchronization, moving like extensions of the same body. Love that line. Lets just hope that this time they leave out the 'This'll be over in 5 seconds. No, it'll take only 3.' thing, because faster isn't always better.

And yay for seductive Zoro!

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

aah, such silly boys! not everything has to be a competition, cooperation does have its...rewards.

...whenever I write yaoi it seems like Zoro becomes such a slut. oh well. ^^

[sherriaisling.livejournal.com]

...whenever I write yaoi it seems like Zoro becomes such a slut. oh well. You say that as if it's a bad thing.

[fenm.livejournal.com]

Just lying there, not lifting a finger

Though other parts of him are probably lifting... ^_^

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

heh. I still maintain Zoro could sleep through it... ^__^

[fenm.livejournal.com]

Uh... hmmm... maybe... ^_^

[mei-yanohi.livejournal.com]

After the fic itself AND the comments following, I cannot control my laughter.

Wouldn't it be something if Usopp was like a kickass lover? All the guys would be splayed and spent all over the room, unable to breathe or speak, and Usopp would be standing amongst their limp bodies, triumphant on the field of battle, the flag of Captain Usopp waving in the background, the only sound a matter-of-fact statement: "I told you so."

I am so done now.

THINK ABOUT THIS!

[(Anonymous)]

SLUTZ=SLUT,how about LUSTZ=LUST?........MAN............