[identity profile] lady-karasu.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] onepieceyaoi100
A bunch of stuff occurred to me, but I got too distracted to do them all (which is probably best for all concerned…) Didn’t read anyone else’s yet so I wouldn’t accidentally steal any ideas- gonna happily do that in the morning, though. ^_^


Title: Another useless gadget
Type of Crack: Infomercial!One Piece
Pairing: Faintly LuZo
Rating: G
Word Count: 259


Nami grinned at the camera, almost (but not quite) feeling bad, but knowing she’d have to pay the bills somehow- and really, after the last bar tab? It was his own fault.

Forcing false enthusiasm, she gestured to the deck beside her, glad for once that the target of her attention was such a sound sleeper. “And remember folks, on top of all that, he slices, he dices, he makes julienne fries!”

A blond head suddenly popped out of the door behind her. “Me?”

“No”, she said shortly through a strained grin. Without missing a beat she stopped his forward motion with a hand to the forehead. “You’re actually usefull, get back in the kitchen…” With that she pushed him backward, and the door closed to the happy sounds of vegetables chopping.

“Hey, what are you doing with my Zoro?!” Luffy’s head bobbed down from the deck above, and she caught this as well, with practiced ease. “Don’t worry about it”, she said quietly, smile now taking on a calculating note, “Unless you want to be next…?”

His upside-down head blinked up at her, not grasping the threat. “Why, is it fun?” She just rolled her eyes, letting go with a snap, only slightly satisfied with the resulting crash.

“As I was saying folks, this specimen of manhood is vital for daily life, and only takes up a small amount of space- look at this, when not in use he’s no trouble at all, just put him in ‘sleep mode’ and you won’t have to worry about him until…”



Title: Runnin’ on empty
Type of crack: Medical Drama!One Piece
Pairing: ZoSan
Rating: G (Ya, I’m boring this time around)
Word Count: 257


Chopper checked the instruments again, not wanting it to be true, but knowing there was no other answer; the wounds were just too severe, too much blood had been lost. He turned to the young man accompanying his patient.

"I'm sorry..."

The man wailed, collapsing on the chest of the dead man. "No! Zoro, wake up!" A wretched sob ripped through him, muffled by his folded arms. "I was supposed to watch his back- I was supposed to make sure this didn't happen, but they were so big; I got scared, and then... and then..." Another sob ripped from his throat, as the doctor tried to console him, one hoof patting his shoulder while the other tried to quiet the insistent beep of the heart moniter. "I was too scared.", he finally finished, quietly.

"Oh now....", he lifted his head abruptly, watering eyes suddenly wild as they locked on the doctor. "Sanji is going to /kill/ me!”

Usopp’s terrified rant was interrupted by a familiar, loud rumble.

“…did that corpse just snore…?”

They blinked at each other for a silent moment, and another rumbling snore rent the silence. Confirmed, Chopper fumbled with the monitors again, turning everything back on and very surprised to find relatively normal vitals.

“He’s just lost over HALF of his blood, how is this possible?!”

“Oh, only half?” The other man sighed in relief. “I thought it was something serious.” He turned to leave the room, calling back, “That’s fine then. I’ll let Sanji know he can pick him up in the morning.”



This one’s just weird- but it hit me so I’ll do it… (This was gonna be two, so if it feels rushed, that’s why. May redo it later, just for shits ‘n giggles)


Title: Blood Brothers
Type of Crack: Vampire!One Piece
Rating: PG
Pairing: Faintly ZoLu
Word Count: 300



“Zoro will be fine.”

The sincere look he gave her was almost enough to set her crying- tears barely held back as it was. “Luffy…”, and her heart broke to tell him this, because she wanted to believe him. “Luffy, he’s not-“ Nami stopped, forcing down a sob, “He’s hurt bad- there’s not- Chopper can’t do anything for him. No one could survive that…”

She closed her eyes, unable to bear that look, knowing she wasn’t getting through, even as they heard the doctor weeping openly behind them.

He nodded again, “He’ll be ok. I know.” Luffy walked into the room that held their wounded companion.

“They’re right, this time…” a week voice issued from the bed, “this is too much—“

Abruptly, a fist to the face stopped his words, and fangs were bared instinctively. “What the hell do—“ the swordsman’s words were halted as flesh jammed its way into his mouth, against his teeth- life giving liquid running unexpectedly down his throat. Gagging, Zoro pulled the boy’s arm from his mouth, just barely managing the force necessary.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

“Making sure you live.”

“No- Luffy, if I took too much—“

“You won’t.”

“You could die—“

“I don’t care.”

“If you turn, you’ll be bound—“

“I don’t care.”

They stared each other down for several long minutes before Zoro finally yielded. When Luffy was this way, there was no winning, there was only doing what he said.

“…ok, but not much. And see Chopper right after- if anything happens…”

Then Luffy smiled.

“It won’t.”


~*~*~


“He’s a demon!”

When they gave him that title…

“That’s ok, I want him.”

No one realized how true it was…

“Wow, how did you get your teeth all pointy like that?”

Until Luffy.

Date: 2005-07-13 04:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bossgoji.livejournal.com
Number 2 makes me laugh. I <3 sickfics.

Also, I just got this really funky-ass image in my head of Chopper dressed up like Hawkeye from M*A*S*H*. x3

Date: 2005-07-13 06:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fenm.livejournal.com
*laughs* Wow, that's good- you're doing better than me, I kept getting House-esque lines out of Chopper, and that just didn't sound right.

No. No it doesn't.. O_O
OTOH, these ARE AU fics. ^_^

Date: 2005-07-13 05:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluepard.livejournal.com
Ah yes, Zoro would make the perfect donor if only it weren't for all that unprotected gay sex.

Date: 2005-07-13 05:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fenm.livejournal.com
Story 1: LOL! Nami would do it, too.
Wah! I want a Zoro! How much are they?
Story 2: Well, he DOES sometimes sleep like the dead... ^_^
Story 3: Oooh... vampire!Zoro! I like it! I've always been a sucker for vampires.
Wait... ^_^

Date: 2005-07-14 05:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fenm.livejournal.com
...I'm not sure if I'd put it quite that way, but I've always enjoyed the (well done) vampire fics, too. ^_~

Cool.

Glad you liked 'em, I'm always happy when something goes over well- 'specially when I wrote it while half asleep... (because those can get /scary/. *laughs*)

No kidding... O_O

Date: 2005-07-13 06:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] crystal-chan.livejournal.com
Numbah one: Best. Ever. XDD Nami would so do that too~! *waves hand* I'll buy him off of you, Nami~! Can I have Luffy too?

Numbah two: Ah yes, only half the blood in his body. Nothing to worry about.

Numbah three: Wonderful! I heart it so. *_*

Date: 2005-07-13 03:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] crystal-chan.livejournal.com
Yes, you should make a longer version~! It'd be spiffy! I'd read it and go all "Squeee~!"

o.o And Zoro probably does have a backup supply. How else would he survive losing five liters or blood? You're supposed to die once you lose three. >_>

Date: 2005-07-13 02:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bamf-girl.livejournal.com
Aww, I liked the vampire one.. now I have to write one. Not janking your idea, I promise! ;___;

Date: 2005-07-13 06:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fenm.livejournal.com
I think I *will* go ahead and write the longer version. I had been debating. What'cha think? ^_^

YES!
(I wonder if it would be attention-whoring to point out that I wrote a OP/vampire story once upon a time for another comm...)

Date: 2005-07-13 07:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] monimonika.livejournal.com
I so do not envy [livejournal.com profile] sakurazaka_jae in having to choose just one winner for this OMGfantastic! topic.

1) Hahahahahaha!! I also personally liked how Nami kept the "better product" for herself.

2) "Oh, only half?" *busts a spleen*

3) Um...hmm...uh... Okay, so Anne Rice made me drop vampire fiction from my list of interests. Not bad, but I'm just too scarred to appreciate it.

Date: 2005-07-13 11:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sherrymarie.livejournal.com
I love how evil Nami is in the first one. The second one is so funny and my absolute favorite of the trio, and the third one just confirms my suspicions!

And the best thing of all? Zoro is apparently getting some in all three AUs. Wonderfully done! ^_^

Date: 2005-07-13 11:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sherriaisling.livejournal.com
I <3 your crack! (And how wrong does that sound?)

1. Nami would so do this. And I love both Luffy and Sanji's parts in it. You just know Sanji's 'me' had to be said all hopeful-like, thinking Nami was speaking of him.

2. “…did that corpse just snore…?” *sporfle*

3. ^_^ I have such a thing for well written vampire AU fic! And it's logical, too! (It'd also explain the sleeping all day thing, assuming he's the kind who isn't bothered by sunlight.) “Wow, how did you get your teeth all pointy like that?” What a very Luffy way of putting it. Poor Chopper's going to be mighty confused when Zoro doesn't go dead. And yes please to the maybe more.

Date: 2005-07-14 03:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sherriaisling.livejournal.com
I'm not saying mine /is/ Well, I am. So there. ^_^

And don't shut up on my account. Exploring the thought behind the story is interesting. And I'm so glad the 'pointy teeth' line didn't get cut. Much love for it. I'll be looking forward to more, then.

Date: 2013-06-27 04:46 am (UTC)
ext_24392: (Random)
From: [identity profile] random-nexus.livejournal.com
Years late, but still... *grinning hugely*

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