Have a Healthy Helping of Idiocy
Jul. 29th, 2005 01:08 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sherrymarie.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
onepieceyaoi100Title: The Claiming of the Love Cook
Paring: ZxS, ZxTarty McTartster
Word Count: 281
Rating: PG-13
Topic: Bad Harlequin Romance
Author's Note: I'm sorry about this. Really.
It was a dark and sensual night. The steamy air stroked erotically through the lush trees surrounding the small port town. A man sat alone in a dimly-lit tavern staring moodily into his empty glass. The broad seductive shoulders were bunched tight with tension, as Zoro the Demon Pirate pondered dusky libidinous thoughts.
A bar wench brought him another glass of ale. She was a tired-looking whore, whose lined face may have held beauty once, but those days were long behind her. Zoro’s attention was drawn to the tart’s tangled blonde hair that hung limply down her tarty back.
He eyed the color greedily. Blonde was the color of sin that wrapped. . . sinfully around his groin and made him heave fitfully with desire. And boy, did he ever heave. He heaved a lot.
He heaved for the Golden Cook of the East Sea, whose flaxen willowy beauty and beguiling wiles had ensnared his sizzling heart and made his manhood rise in awe. The Cook, however, was not yet his. But that was something that Zoro had resolved to soon change.
He grabbed the serving wench by the waist and pulled her into his lap.
“Dirty pungent whore, I wish to buy your for the night.”
The harlot smiled and adjusted her sagging bosom.
“You wish to make love to me, my lord?”
“No, wench! I wish to bugger you while imagining that you are a willful, beautiful, young man with skin the color of pale desire, a sharp feisty tongue that begs to be claimed, and above average culinary skills.”
The whore rolled her whorey eyes.
“Oh, great, another one. Well, come with me, my lord. My pink panda apron is upstairs.”
Paring: ZxS, ZxTarty McTartster
Word Count: 281
Rating: PG-13
Topic: Bad Harlequin Romance
Author's Note: I'm sorry about this. Really.
It was a dark and sensual night. The steamy air stroked erotically through the lush trees surrounding the small port town. A man sat alone in a dimly-lit tavern staring moodily into his empty glass. The broad seductive shoulders were bunched tight with tension, as Zoro the Demon Pirate pondered dusky libidinous thoughts.
A bar wench brought him another glass of ale. She was a tired-looking whore, whose lined face may have held beauty once, but those days were long behind her. Zoro’s attention was drawn to the tart’s tangled blonde hair that hung limply down her tarty back.
He eyed the color greedily. Blonde was the color of sin that wrapped. . . sinfully around his groin and made him heave fitfully with desire. And boy, did he ever heave. He heaved a lot.
He heaved for the Golden Cook of the East Sea, whose flaxen willowy beauty and beguiling wiles had ensnared his sizzling heart and made his manhood rise in awe. The Cook, however, was not yet his. But that was something that Zoro had resolved to soon change.
He grabbed the serving wench by the waist and pulled her into his lap.
“Dirty pungent whore, I wish to buy your for the night.”
The harlot smiled and adjusted her sagging bosom.
“You wish to make love to me, my lord?”
“No, wench! I wish to bugger you while imagining that you are a willful, beautiful, young man with skin the color of pale desire, a sharp feisty tongue that begs to be claimed, and above average culinary skills.”
The whore rolled her whorey eyes.
“Oh, great, another one. Well, come with me, my lord. My pink panda apron is upstairs.”
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no subject
Date: 2005-07-29 05:26 pm (UTC)*falls over laughing...that is too damn funny* XDDD
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Date: 2005-07-30 07:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-30 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-29 05:29 pm (UTC)Sounds like he needs some Dramamine...
^_^
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Date: 2005-07-30 07:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-29 05:55 pm (UTC)as Zoro the Demon Pirate pondered dusky libidinous thoughts. Why is the thought of Zoro sitting around thinking so amusing to me?
Blonde was the color of sin that wrapped. . . sinfully around his groin and made him heave fitfully with desire. Mad, mad love for this line. :D
And exactly why are you apologizing for this?
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Date: 2005-07-30 07:21 pm (UTC)Because that is the most amusing picture in the whole fucking universe!
And I was apologizing for my extreme dorkiness, while forgetting that all of you people should be very use to it by now. *_^
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Date: 2005-07-29 05:57 pm (UTC)Ahahahahaha and dude, I think you exhausted my whole adjective vocabulary in 281 words.
The most romantic thing about it all?
"above average culinary skills."
I snorted. In the libary. It echoes. *thumbs up*
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Date: 2005-07-30 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-29 06:03 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-07-29 06:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-30 07:23 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-07-30 07:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-29 08:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-30 07:23 pm (UTC)Hehehe
Date: 2005-07-29 08:37 pm (UTC)Re: Hehehe
Date: 2005-07-30 07:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-29 09:45 pm (UTC)I was already lost when I read about broad seductive shoulders and moody staring. XDXD
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Date: 2005-07-30 07:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-30 01:07 am (UTC)XD XD Can't stop laughing.
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Date: 2005-07-30 07:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-30 03:08 am (UTC)>XD Bwahahahahahhaahaa!
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Date: 2005-07-30 07:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-31 03:41 am (UTC)That. made. my. day. XDDD *snortlaughs*
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Date: 2005-08-01 11:17 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-08-05 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-10 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-25 11:20 pm (UTC)^_________^!
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Date: 2011-05-10 08:43 am (UTC)XDD My god, Zoro, you really never knew what tact is.