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onepieceyaoi100Title: Problem Solved
Pairing: Zosan/Sanzo and some one-sided SanjiNami
Rating: PG-13 for cursing and perhaps an obscene about of sexual innuendo
Word Count: 300
Topic: Youth
Note: Not EXACTLY what you would think. More of a play on what happens when two people can’t make up their minds about something…. Someone just steps in and makes the decisions for them. (CACKCLES)
Once again, mucho thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
vampire_otaku for editing this for me! This one is for _paperpencil, with whom it is always a pleasure to chat with... and gives me dirty, dirty thoughts of the Zosan variety. T__T Lurve you chica!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nami couldn’t take it anymore. Zoro and Sanji had been arguing for hours and something had to give. Throwing her quill down she stepped into the galley where the two were at each other’s throats, again.
“ENOUGH!” she screamed, hoving them apart.
As expected, the argument stopped immediately. “Nami-san! ♥ To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“What is your problem?!” Nami demanded. “How can two people who screw each other like they belong in some hardcore porn flick be so immature about sex!”
“… pardon…?”
“I know you only argue anymore for the make-up sex! Just screw each other already!”
Sanji’s face turned white while Zoro looked mildly surprised. Neither asked how she knew, but they had a few guesses… “N-Nami-san is perceptive in ways that strike fear into the hearts of men.”
“Anyway,” Nami said, “if all you two do is argue, it is my duty as the ‘adult’ of the situation to take charge. From now on I put myself in charge of your sex life. I will decide when, where, and how hard you go down on each other.”
Zoro jaw dropped. “WHAT!?”
“If you two can’t find a more efficient way to initiate your pounding sessions then I will GIVE you one!”
“But Nami-san,” Sanji protested faintly.
“Don’t worry, Sanji-kun! The two of you are youth, healthy, strong, flexible individuals, I’m sure you can survive the schedule I’ll make for you.”
“NONE OF THIS IS YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!” Zoro bellowed.
“It is now,” Nami said. “It your fault for not sorting out your own sex life.” She turned to leave. “Oh, and I charge by the hour… and Sanji’s on top next time.”
“…”
“…”
“This is all your fault, Love Cook.”
“Who cares, I’m topping next time.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Omake 1 (because this is how I WANTED to start it):
“Anything you can do I can do better!”
“Oh yeah!? I can do anything better than YOU, Marimo!”
“No you can’t!”
“Yes I can—!“
“NO YOU CAN’T!”
“YES I CAN!!”
“NO YOU CAN’T—!!!”
“YES I CAAAAN!!!”
(That was horrible, I know)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Omake 2 (because I just couldn’t resist):
Nami’s eyes narrowed. “This is all about who tops, isn’t it?”
Sanji face actually turned a little red at this. “W-Well—“
“I don’t see what the big argument is,” Nami sighed. “I’m pretty sure you’re both more than capable… and equipped.”
“I AM capable,” Sanji insisted. “I’m GOOD! But this Marimo BASTARD says he won’t allow it! The MORON doesn’t seem to comprehend the pleasures I could bestow upon his unworthy body with my superior lower body strength!”
Nami actually zoned out for a moment as she imagined exactly that… Those hips… “Yeah… Zoro is seriously a moron, isn’t he…?"
When she snapped back to reality Zoro was giving her a withering glare. “Why don’t you try wrestling for it,” Nami suggested quickly. “Whoever ends up on top stays on top?”
Zoro smirked.
Sanji looked decidedly embarrassed. “We tried that,” Sanji mumbled. “The bastard has an unfair advantage…”
“What? So he has upper body strength; why don’t you try using your legs?”
Zoro snorted. “He didn’t get anywhere. You can only do so much when everything below the waist is preoccupied.”
“That’s it, Marimo,” Sanji growled. “The next time I let you between my legs I’m crushing you in two.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Omake 3 (because I have to mention the work “accessories” in there somewhere):
“Oh,” Nami said later on, “and I will also be making a list of accessories and new positions for you two to try. Given Sanji-kun’s flexibility and Zoro’s endurance it almost seems silly not to.”
Sanji’s already frazzled mind couldn’t take much more of this. “A… Accessories…? Positions?”
Zoro was unusually silent.
Nami gave Sanji a look that was probably supposed to bring comfort. “I assume you two haven’t ‘experimented’, given your obvious lack of imagination. But it’s never too late! We’ll take a little shopping trip when we reach the next island, I’m we’ll find just what we need. And as for positions, well, I’m 50% sure you won’t be damaged in the process of using most of them, Sanji-kun. And just to be safe I can ask Robin to spot you on some of them.”
Sanji began to sway on his feet, looking oddly faint.
Nami patted Sanji on the shoulder encouragingly. “I have faith in you, Sanji-kun, and I’m sure Zoro does, too.”
Judging by the grin that was slipping Zoro face in half, he had lots of faith indeed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note that Nami speaks as though she is going to be included in the action. If she plays her cards right... Oh Nami-san, you rock my world! ^__^ NAMI-SAN PWNS ALL!!!
Pairing: Zosan/Sanzo and some one-sided SanjiNami
Rating: PG-13 for cursing and perhaps an obscene about of sexual innuendo
Word Count: 300
Topic: Youth
Note: Not EXACTLY what you would think. More of a play on what happens when two people can’t make up their minds about something…. Someone just steps in and makes the decisions for them. (CACKCLES)
Once again, mucho thanks to
vampire_otaku for editing this for me! This one is for _paperpencil, with whom it is always a pleasure to chat with... and gives me dirty, dirty thoughts of the Zosan variety. T__T Lurve you chica!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nami couldn’t take it anymore. Zoro and Sanji had been arguing for hours and something had to give. Throwing her quill down she stepped into the galley where the two were at each other’s throats, again.
“ENOUGH!” she screamed, hoving them apart.
As expected, the argument stopped immediately. “Nami-san! ♥ To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“What is your problem?!” Nami demanded. “How can two people who screw each other like they belong in some hardcore porn flick be so immature about sex!”
“… pardon…?”
“I know you only argue anymore for the make-up sex! Just screw each other already!”
Sanji’s face turned white while Zoro looked mildly surprised. Neither asked how she knew, but they had a few guesses… “N-Nami-san is perceptive in ways that strike fear into the hearts of men.”
“Anyway,” Nami said, “if all you two do is argue, it is my duty as the ‘adult’ of the situation to take charge. From now on I put myself in charge of your sex life. I will decide when, where, and how hard you go down on each other.”
Zoro jaw dropped. “WHAT!?”
“If you two can’t find a more efficient way to initiate your pounding sessions then I will GIVE you one!”
“But Nami-san,” Sanji protested faintly.
“Don’t worry, Sanji-kun! The two of you are youth, healthy, strong, flexible individuals, I’m sure you can survive the schedule I’ll make for you.”
“NONE OF THIS IS YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!” Zoro bellowed.
“It is now,” Nami said. “It your fault for not sorting out your own sex life.” She turned to leave. “Oh, and I charge by the hour… and Sanji’s on top next time.”
“…”
“…”
“This is all your fault, Love Cook.”
“Who cares, I’m topping next time.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Omake 1 (because this is how I WANTED to start it):
“Anything you can do I can do better!”
“Oh yeah!? I can do anything better than YOU, Marimo!”
“No you can’t!”
“Yes I can—!“
“NO YOU CAN’T!”
“YES I CAN!!”
“NO YOU CAN’T—!!!”
“YES I CAAAAN!!!”
(That was horrible, I know)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Omake 2 (because I just couldn’t resist):
Nami’s eyes narrowed. “This is all about who tops, isn’t it?”
Sanji face actually turned a little red at this. “W-Well—“
“I don’t see what the big argument is,” Nami sighed. “I’m pretty sure you’re both more than capable… and equipped.”
“I AM capable,” Sanji insisted. “I’m GOOD! But this Marimo BASTARD says he won’t allow it! The MORON doesn’t seem to comprehend the pleasures I could bestow upon his unworthy body with my superior lower body strength!”
Nami actually zoned out for a moment as she imagined exactly that… Those hips… “Yeah… Zoro is seriously a moron, isn’t he…?"
When she snapped back to reality Zoro was giving her a withering glare. “Why don’t you try wrestling for it,” Nami suggested quickly. “Whoever ends up on top stays on top?”
Zoro smirked.
Sanji looked decidedly embarrassed. “We tried that,” Sanji mumbled. “The bastard has an unfair advantage…”
“What? So he has upper body strength; why don’t you try using your legs?”
Zoro snorted. “He didn’t get anywhere. You can only do so much when everything below the waist is preoccupied.”
“That’s it, Marimo,” Sanji growled. “The next time I let you between my legs I’m crushing you in two.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Omake 3 (because I have to mention the work “accessories” in there somewhere):
“Oh,” Nami said later on, “and I will also be making a list of accessories and new positions for you two to try. Given Sanji-kun’s flexibility and Zoro’s endurance it almost seems silly not to.”
Sanji’s already frazzled mind couldn’t take much more of this. “A… Accessories…? Positions?”
Zoro was unusually silent.
Nami gave Sanji a look that was probably supposed to bring comfort. “I assume you two haven’t ‘experimented’, given your obvious lack of imagination. But it’s never too late! We’ll take a little shopping trip when we reach the next island, I’m we’ll find just what we need. And as for positions, well, I’m 50% sure you won’t be damaged in the process of using most of them, Sanji-kun. And just to be safe I can ask Robin to spot you on some of them.”
Sanji began to sway on his feet, looking oddly faint.
Nami patted Sanji on the shoulder encouragingly. “I have faith in you, Sanji-kun, and I’m sure Zoro does, too.”
Judging by the grin that was slipping Zoro face in half, he had lots of faith indeed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note that Nami speaks as though she is going to be included in the action. If she plays her cards right... Oh Nami-san, you rock my world! ^__^ NAMI-SAN PWNS ALL!!!
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 02:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 02:41 am (UTC)You so win, and Nami-san does pwn all. It figures Nami would get sick of their fighting and take it into her own hands, just like everything else she thinks the crew doesn't handle properly. XD This gives new meaning to the "I say jump and you say how hi" cliche. "I say fuck and you say how hard."
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 03:01 am (UTC)(LAUGHS) I like that! It's exactly what she's doing, too! ^__^ Then again, if you were a PROFESSIONAL fangirl like Nami probably is, would you sit around and let all that potential go to waste? NEVER!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 03:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 03:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 03:34 am (UTC)I'm not sure if this will have a happy conclusion or not...
...And why do I see the schedule posted out in public??
Luffy: *tilts head* Na, Ussopp? What are these two stick figures doing? Nami said she's going to make Zoro and Sanji spend "bonding time" while doin' these. *points at color schedule full of doodles*
Ussopp:......Why don't you know?! These are special stretching exercises for warriors! Why back at the polka-dotted canary islands I'd do these every morning *goes of ranting*
Chopper: *eyes widen comically* Wooooow! Reaaally! *does mental calculationg* I didn't even think you could do half of them!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 04:05 am (UTC)Oh man, now I can totally see Nami giving Zoro and Sanji The Periodic Table of Sex (http://www.winterhouse.com/vancouver/37-Periodic-table-sex.jpg). ^__^ It's basically with men and women, but they could still work it. Or...
Nami: (gestures with a pointer toward the chart) See the positions on this chart?
Sanji: What is this thing...?
Zoro: They actually make these?
Nami: (rolls eyes) That's not the point. Now, you will be practicing only the numbers I tell you to. (gestures) Everything else is worthless.
Sanji: What's wrong with it?
Nami: Because the sexual positions you two will be trying are considered illegal and disgraceful to all humanity, and there are not on this chart. But Robin is pretty sure where documentation still exists, so guess where we’re headed next?
Sanji: (pales)
Zoro: (nosebleed)
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 04:31 am (UTC)And so, that is how the Merry Go found itself headed to the forbidden Horney Islands (Hopefully they'll avoid the Horney pirates that rule there)
...I think Luffy is still...a kid in that area...they get excited by a naked woman (mostly because it's "naughty") but they haven't really done anything body-wise.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 05:22 am (UTC)They might try avoiding the Horny pirates the rule there, but will they try avoiding them? NEVER!
Horny Pirates: My God! Guys, the mother load just hit our shores!
Chopper: Who are these people, and what are they wearing?
Ussop: I think the question is what AREN’T they wearing.
Horny Pirates: (kidnap Sanji to publicly sacrifice him to their local green sex demon (vine monster) and make Luffy their king (for no one’s package is as big as his))
Luffy: WHOOT! Free food!
Sanji: (is dragged off) AAAAAAAH!!!
Chopper: AAAAH, it’s going to eat Sanji!
Robin: I don’t think he’s going to be eaten in the sense that you think, Doctor-san.
Ussop: Shouldn’t we save him?
Nami: I sort of want to see him squirm…
Zoro: … squirm, huh…?
King Luffy: (oblivious) You can’t sacrifice my cook!
Horny Pirates: But…
Nami: (points at Zoro) He’s ten times better than some plant, I promise you. Give Sanji to Zoro instead, he’s, ah, a demon marimo!
Horny Pirates: OKAY! ♥ ♥ ♥
Zoro/Sanji: WHAAAT!?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 05:24 am (UTC)AnalAnnual Spring Ritesno subject
Date: 2006-07-19 05:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 05:41 am (UTC)Sanji: Like hell I will! Andkeepthetentaclemonsteroutofthis!! *kicks curious tendrils*
Later >.>
Stunned Horney pirates:...Woooow he really is a demon! @_@;
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 05:50 am (UTC)On an alightly off topic, you know what I always found funny? How Sanji seems to befriend sorry saps that end us adoring him. Like Gin, or dear Bon-chan the drag queen. Sanji's setting himself up to be stalked.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 06:28 am (UTC)...No Sanji! Don't pose like Rock Lee from Naruto! >.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 06:48 am (UTC)If Sanji posed like Rock Lee and his hair started shining we would all be blinded instantly.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 05:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 05:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 05:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 07:35 am (UTC)Nami rocks. (I wish I could also look at all the stuff that she has planned...and take a look at the camera tapes all over the Going Merry) I love this fic^^
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 06:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 06:49 pm (UTC)Please???? *big round pleading eyes*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 06:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 06:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 11:37 pm (UTC)And spotting? Hearkens back to my rock-climbing days... now I have a vivid mental image of Sanji screwing Zoro in a helmet, hip harness, gloves, and cleats, both of them rigged up in ropes tied to the mast so they're twelve feet above the deck, and Robin's sitting in the crow's nest, holding the ropes and ogling them like the giant lech she is. ♥ ♥ ♥
no subject
Date: 2006-07-20 04:15 am (UTC)Thank you much for the review! ^__^
no subject
Date: 2006-07-20 03:12 am (UTC)It was all good. Glad to help!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-20 04:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-20 04:42 am (UTC)WIN!!!
Date: 2009-06-17 06:05 pm (UTC)