Gray

[mettathron.livejournal.com]

Title: Gray
Word Count: 300
Topic: Cold
Rating: PG-13 for violence
Disclaimer: One Piece belongs to Eiichiro Oda

Warning: Continued abuse of the English Language and Grammar. Follows Relativity. Dark.



Cold.

The ghost of a gentle touch lingered on unbroken skin, nerves singing long after the solitary caress had faded, unspoken promises and entreaties kissed once – and only once—onto his back.

Shiver.

One flinch, one shudder, one shiver shattered the fragile connection into more pieces than any words could, for words had little power between them and it was always action, a breath, a blow, a savage smile and retaliation… except not, anymore.

Empty.

Everything that was there was gone: heat, passion, desire, longing, the fire of rivalry and something that didn’t quite have a name… all of it faded into a numb, echoing gray.

Illusory.

Worst of all, worst and most terrible and cutting deepest to the heart, was the masquerade, the great lie, the specter of what once was that lingered between them and, to all appearances, remained between them still.

Flawless.

Sanji acted like nothing happened, not flinch, nor kiss, nor anything that happened leading up to it, but fought and swore as if everything were normal and the distance wasn’t turning his one visible eye to black ice that pierced Zoro’s back whenever the swordsman turned away.

Despair.

Back to back they fought, enemies falling down quicksilver-fast and the strongest one’s blade locked with Zoro’s in a fit of strength-based machismo as Sanji takes out the swarm that tries to break them apart until a lucky blade flashes out and the cook has a choice that wasn’t a choice at all.

In vain.

Blood on his back, but it wasn’t his, and an empty, cold space where stained lips tried to impart a feeling, a prayer, a promise, a word, but there were no words because there never had been, and there was only a falling, fading spark against the gray.


Zoro’s back was cold.

Comments

[paxnirvana.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. Gods. *stares, blinks away tears*

I'm dead. Killed dead by the stark, implacable beauty of it. And the ache. And the ZORO YOU FUCKING MORON.

Gah. Painfully gorgeous.

[mettathron.livejournal.com]

::revives and offers tissues:: Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it, even if it was painful.

[kotszok.livejournal.com]

It's so strange... but this fic isn't sad... it's not heart-breaking, really. It's just like the theme: cold. So very, very cold. You are a master.

[mettathron.livejournal.com]

Hm... Fascinating. Thank you. Today's mission: Success!

[ptps.livejournal.com]

You know what, you should totally go to 1sentence and fucking claim the Zoro/Sanji pairing once whoever's doing it now is fucking done with it and I would fave that piece of prose you write like FOREVER. Again, I love how each paragraph opens up with a prompt, and then jst one single sentence that says so damn much in so few words. And arghargh idiots sacrificing themselves for each other again while witholding from saying they like each other, fucking bastards, nggh. ;___;

THERE HAD BETTER BE AN INSTALLMENT. THAT'S HAPPY. T__T

[mettathron.livejournal.com]

Aheh ^^; Thank you...

But a happy installment would take all the icy sting out of this one...

[yuki-kokoro.livejournal.com]

I found myself agreeing with kotszok. I've never read something so utterly heartbreaking and been so... calm about it. But this really does just come across as baren and cold. Like watching an old black-and-white movie frame by frame.

"unspoken promises and entreaties kissed once – and only once—onto his back" Gorgeous use of words, as is most of the piece. If this is abuse of the English language I think the English language should learn to be more masochistic.

[mettathron.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. Huzzah for cold prose, then?

[yuki-kokoro.livejournal.com]

Huzzah indeed. Huzzah for being able to convey what you were trying to, for that is the true success of any writer. ^^

[der_jemand]

Abuse of the English language? ...Herewith I invite you to visit one of my English lessons. Well, no, I don't, but you wouldn't want to hear it anyway. (This comment is a fine example, I guess. Only without the funny accents.) - Whatever.

I'm utterly speechless, just because of the whole... beauty of this fic. As kotsok and yuki_kokoro pointed out, it's not sad but cold... Rather fascinating.^^ And your ability of saying so much in so few words... Yes there are not enough words (I know) to say what I want to say...

[mettathron.livejournal.com]

I once had an English teacher who probably would have skinned me alive for this.

I'm very glad you enjoyed it, however, and thank you.

[ptps.livejournal.com]

I'd like an English teacher like that.

[der_jemand]

I once had an English teacher who probably would have skinned me alive for this.

And I'll probably never understand why. ...I guess that's the reason why I won't become an English teacher.
But it makes me want to shoot the majority of German fanfic authors. If something like your fic is abuse of any language, I don't want to know what they do.

...Ah, excuse my incoherent babbling...

[eternallove-495.livejournal.com]

Despair.

Back to back they fought, enemies falling down quicksilver-fast and the strongest one’s blade locked with Zoro’s in a fit of strength-based machismo as Sanji takes out the swarm that tries to break them apart until a lucky blade flashes out and the cook has a choice that wasn’t a choice at all.


My heart aches, damnit, I blame it on this good angst fic.