noticing

[presentego.livejournal.com]

Well I've been lurking long enough that I decided to get off my butt and post something. You can't get better without practice right? Suggestions strongly wanted!

Title: noticing
Rating: PG
Word Count:184
Pairing: ZoSan
Topic:Truth

I’d never noticed before. Mostly I just assumed. What with how Sanji religiously protected his hands from all maters of fighting to save them for his precious cooking, I thought his hands would be soft and, I don’t know, girly. Not that I know that much about girl’s hands, or anyone’s hands. My hands I know, and back thereof, better than anything else, except perhaps my swords. They are warrior’s hands; hands that have built up many layers of skin that were more memories than cells. Memories of training, fighting, and scars that fought for the limited skin hands contained. Having never cooked myself I didn’t realize the kind of hands simple cooking could create. Then again simple never could describe anything about Sanji. As usual he took it to another level. I never put a religious devotion to weight lifting on the same level as constant sautéing, but I was discovering that these hands had as much history as my own. Not that I am complaining, I’m just – surprised- pleasantly surprised, to find the truth of harshness against my skin.
I’m noticing now.

Comments

[yuki-kokoro.livejournal.com]

Welcome! Thanks especially for contributing to this topic that has been on the empty side. ;_; NOTHING GOOD WOULD COME OUT OF MY FINGERS THIS WEEK even though I love Bronzetigress to death. And practice is indeed the way to improve.

I like this concept, and you have some good lines and ideas in here, I especialy like describing the roughness of Sanji's hands as the "truth of harshness".

As for suggestions, I'd say blocking it out into smaller paragraphs would be helpful. Zoro's throughts skip around a lot here and I think paragraph breaks would help pace it, make it seem less rushed/disorienting.

[presentego.livejournal.com]

thanks everyone for the suggestions, of course when I read it in my head I but breaks in where I feel they are, I forgot everyone can't read my mind!

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Nice! Yeah, paragraphs would be good, and I spotted a typo (more memories then cells should be more memories thAn cells), but the concept is interesting, the language evocative without being heavy. I like the 'As usual he took it to another level' because of course, Sanji would :P ANd that last line is a lovely conclusion.