(no subject)
Jan. 6th, 2007 06:37 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
nuitari4pwnage.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
onepieceyaoi100Title: Man and Meats
Rating: PG
Word Count: 300
Pairing: Sanji-->Zoro
Topic: Elements, or rather, "Element of Suprise"
Sanji knew there was something wrong with him. In the past few weeks, he had been staring at more man-parts than woman-bits.
At first, he didn’t even notice the lapse. It was like that “artists block” that Usopp kept moaning about. A break in the usual. Whatever.
However, as the weeks passed, he began to worry. The hours previously spent poring over thoughts of Nami’s cleavage were now wasted on Marimoes. Suddenly, catering to a woman’s every whim didn’t exude the same satisfaction as watching Zoro scarf down lemon cake. It wasn’t decent. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t natural.
He had dodged it for long enough. Sanji knew he had to quickly rectify this problem, for his very manliness was at stake.
Sanji thought long and hard over possible remedies. He mulled over anything that could possibly be done to help him regain his usual skirt-chasing fervor. During one of these brooding sessions, the answer hit him like a ton of bricks. Meat.
One would reason: Why meat? Sanji’s enlightened brain supplied an immediate answer. What did shitty gay ninjas eat? Tofu, leafy greens, and other shit like that. Shit, even gay people were called “fruits”. What was the opposite? Meat. God, it all fit.
With this new knowledge at hand, he constructed a sandwich made entirely out of salami and mayonnaise. It was so manly that even the bread was made from slices of salami. A lesser man might have been exhausted, but Sanji marveled at his glorious creation.
He lifted his lips to it, about to bite and suck upon its tender, juicy flesh – when Zoro stomped in, swiped the sandwich with skills, muscle, and testosterone honed by hours of rigorous training, and left.
In a dark corner, long after he was gone, Sanji broke into sobs.
-
The symbolism was just too much, you see.
The backstory behind this fic was that I was hungry, and I went to the refrigerator. I intended to make myself a delicious salami sandwich. In the middle of gathering the nessecary items, with a jar of mayonnaise in one hand and a back of salami in the other, this fic hit me like a ton of bricks. I enjoyed the resulting sandwich while writing this.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 300
Pairing: Sanji-->Zoro
Topic: Elements, or rather, "Element of Suprise"
Sanji knew there was something wrong with him. In the past few weeks, he had been staring at more man-parts than woman-bits.
At first, he didn’t even notice the lapse. It was like that “artists block” that Usopp kept moaning about. A break in the usual. Whatever.
However, as the weeks passed, he began to worry. The hours previously spent poring over thoughts of Nami’s cleavage were now wasted on Marimoes. Suddenly, catering to a woman’s every whim didn’t exude the same satisfaction as watching Zoro scarf down lemon cake. It wasn’t decent. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t natural.
He had dodged it for long enough. Sanji knew he had to quickly rectify this problem, for his very manliness was at stake.
Sanji thought long and hard over possible remedies. He mulled over anything that could possibly be done to help him regain his usual skirt-chasing fervor. During one of these brooding sessions, the answer hit him like a ton of bricks. Meat.
One would reason: Why meat? Sanji’s enlightened brain supplied an immediate answer. What did shitty gay ninjas eat? Tofu, leafy greens, and other shit like that. Shit, even gay people were called “fruits”. What was the opposite? Meat. God, it all fit.
With this new knowledge at hand, he constructed a sandwich made entirely out of salami and mayonnaise. It was so manly that even the bread was made from slices of salami. A lesser man might have been exhausted, but Sanji marveled at his glorious creation.
He lifted his lips to it, about to bite and suck upon its tender, juicy flesh – when Zoro stomped in, swiped the sandwich with skills, muscle, and testosterone honed by hours of rigorous training, and left.
In a dark corner, long after he was gone, Sanji broke into sobs.
-
The symbolism was just too much, you see.
The backstory behind this fic was that I was hungry, and I went to the refrigerator. I intended to make myself a delicious salami sandwich. In the middle of gathering the nessecary items, with a jar of mayonnaise in one hand and a back of salami in the other, this fic hit me like a ton of bricks. I enjoyed the resulting sandwich while writing this.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 03:19 am (UTC)just give up and shag Zorofind another method of dealing with his man-cravings.Mmm, salami. :D You tempt your readers with boi luvins and food; what a deadly combination.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 07:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 04:58 am (UTC)'It was so manly that even the bread was made from slices of salami.'
That made me laugh too. Pooooor Sanji. His efforts wasted (but proof that yes, that sandwich WAS damn manly :P)
no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 07:13 am (UTC)I am glad I made you laugh, hunnywinks.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 07:21 am (UTC)Maybe I'll write a follow up on the other kind - I'm half tempted to already :D
no subject
Date: 2007-01-08 05:06 am (UTC)And if you want more: on your knees, bitch. Beg for it.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-09 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 08:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 10:20 am (UTC)What an absolutely darling ficlet. But.... somehow the image of that guy in Slither the movie keeps popping into my mind at all the MEAT! screamings. lol.
NUTS! heheheh
no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 07:44 pm (UTC)funny, it reminded me of invader zim, "Meats of Evil."
GIVE ALL THE MEEEEEAT!!!
no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 09:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 10:24 am (UTC)Lemon cake part was kind of ironic to me <<;, considering a really random, totally flaming gay comment my male friends jokingly made to each other while eating lemon cake(involving the lemon cake). So this amused me in a way not intended haha.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 09:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 01:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 09:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 01:31 pm (UTC)Yes Sanji dear, start wearing that little black apron and nothing else and the big lug will soon come to realise your sandwich making capabilities. Yes Sanji, You can be the Mayo to his Salami.
*snorts* permission to beg in an unmanly fashion for a continuation?
no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 09:35 pm (UTC)I headdesked reading the second part of your comment. I am now wearing a maniac grin. OH GOD HAHAHA YOU ARE A DESPICABLE PERSON. NOW ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS USING MAYO FOR LUBE. EW.
Permission granted. On your knees, bitch.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 10:33 pm (UTC)Oh please!
Uke-watery-eyed-pleaBe kind! Oh please write another *whimper**ahem* And now...
I wasn't associtaing Mayo with lube buuuuuut.... >=D, well what did I expect XD *Grovels, Pleas, Begs*
no subject
Date: 2007-01-08 10:52 pm (UTC)...I can't bring myself to watch Helman's adverts anymore. It burns my eyes!
no subject
Date: 2007-01-09 01:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 01:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-07 09:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-08 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-08 05:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-08 05:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-09 01:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-09 01:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-26 06:58 am (UTC)Poor Sanji...I was grinning the whole time while reading*XDDD (Sorry for commenting this late but I'm finally starting to catch up to the two or three or maybe more months of missing out on all the fun here T____T *gets kicked*)
no subject
Date: 2007-01-28 01:23 am (UTC)What's been going on so that you would miss the greatness, anyway?
no subject
Date: 2007-01-29 05:30 am (UTC)LOL
Date: 2010-07-07 06:08 pm (UTC)Zoro stole Sanji's masculinity XD