(no subject)

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Title: Happy Families
Pairing: Lucci/Kaku
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 297
Topic: Kids

warning: Please take this as morbid humour and don't call Child Services (Lucci would eat the social worker on toast, anyway)

Timeline: A good few years after Enies Lobby/Water 7 arcs.




When Kaku said, "Jyabura, Kumadori, even Spandam...Don't you think it's time we had a baby?", Lucci correctly interpreted this as an attempt to annoy and/or disturb him and retaliated accordingly. But yanking Lucci's chain aside, Kaku regularly checked the Academy for promising recruits to take under their wing. Rokushiki had to be passed on, after all. Ambitious teens looked at him hopefully; mentoring by CP9's odd pair of its two strongest agents was a ticket to the top. Lucci was aggressively disinterested in the 'trained puppies', though, and Kaku had to agree there was something missing.

He found the missing something in the form of a skinny five year old ragamuffin inexplicably skulking behind an armchair in their quarters.

Lucci, scribbling out a report, barely glanced up at Kaku's justified what-the-hell. "That? Some suicidal pirates attacked me on my mission's return trip. The lucky ones escaped by sea, I'm sorry to say. They left that behind."

"But why is tha- he here?"

"The whelp tried to knife me in the back and bit me when I picked him up."

It took Kaku a minute to figure out why this was an answer. By that time the kid was glowering murder at Lucci from behind the rampart of Kaku's legs, survival instincts battling a surplus of guts, venom and a desire to hurt. Yeah, in retrospect, those clean-cut academy recruits never stood a chance...

"Welcome to the family, boy," Kaku told the smouldering pipsqueak. "Feel free to bite him again once I've taught you how. In the meantime, let's get you something to eat."

The kid devoured five sandwiches and hurled the sixth at Lucci, who dodged without looking. Hattori bobbed its head in avuncular approval and a resigned Kaku decided it'd work out after all...


END

hahaha, this topic is bringing some very strange ideas out of my twisted cranium. But at least it's nudged my writer's block. Must...resist urge...to write a sequel with Jyabura's whelp-...

Comments

[runic-binary.livejournal.com]

Oh no...some people were never meant to reproduce...but that kid is going to grow up to be vicious. XD

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Big time vicious :P And Lucci is going to ensure it (while Kaku will be there to dole out a little affection and sanity to balance the scales a bit)

[inornate.livejournal.com]

Adams family:)

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Lol, truly ^_^ They'll be sending the kid to summer camp in a steel cage.

[inornate.livejournal.com]

They need daughter:) and then another boy...
Poor camp: the game of indians and pilgrims would be its death

[pinkmoocow.livejournal.com]

"Feel free to bite him again once I've taught you how."

Oh Kaku, what -are- you going to teach that child?

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Kaku will essentially be teaching the kid how to fight. Lucci will be there to give the kid...incentive. THis ain't gonna be pretty.

[hinas-otaku.livejournal.com]

"The kid devoured five sandwiches and hurled the sixth at Lucci, who dodged without looking. Hattori bobbed its head in avuncular approval and a resigned Kaku decided it'd work out after all..." see, Hattori likes him! It's all going to be all right ^_^

"Must...resist urge...to write a sequel with Jyabura's whelp-..." Please, please, don't resist! =D (I'm sure plenty of other people won't)

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Yay, the psychotic pimp pet pigeon likes the boy! The kid must be the antichrist! ^_^

I WILL resist! At least for today...

[dark-kaomi.livejournal.com]

Don't resist! Give in...

[irrelevant.livejournal.com]

Heh. Arsenic and Old Lace ftw. This is the only way I can see Lucci or Kaku acquiring a kid.

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

You get a cookie for recognizing the reference!

I could see them taking a really strong and vicious teen out of the academy for particular training...but this method ensures natural viciousness right from the start ^^; Poor kid...

[dark-kaomi.livejournal.com]

Wonder if the kid snuck something heavy into that last sandwich? Epic damage.

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Not in that sandwich, but I'm sure he'll think of it soon. Lucci is going to have to be on his toes in a few years. Knowing Lucci, he considers that to be a bonus to the whole scheme...

[dark-kaomi.livejournal.com]

He'd probably be disappointed otherwise.

[saiyako.livejournal.com]

Ha, yes! Exactly the kind of kid Lucci would take to. XD

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

The kid's obvious psychotic tendencies makes him feel all warm and paternal ^^;

[saiyako.livejournal.com]

I think you're the first person I've ever seen use the words "warm and paternal" about Lucci, but yes, if anything brings those feelings out in him, it would be a vicious psychotic. XD

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Like calls to like ^^; I bet even the kid will eventually start to like Lucci in a way after a few years, which won't stop him from trying to nail the smug bastard.

Your tangent makes me want to go on a fic-shaped tangent myself...*Ponders*

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Lol, thanks ^_^ I keep telling myself he's one psychotic little nutcase, but even I feel some WAFF towards the hellion.

[travellyr.livejournal.com]

.....WIN. XD Yeah, it figures that a biter'd appeal to Lucci, and Hattori, and Kaku... >:D

Don't resist too hard, ne?

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

He's Son of Psycho Pussy Cat and Slightly Nice Killer Giraffe, ain't he...

[travellyr.livejournal.com]

phrased like that = utter awesome. XD

[beanchan.livejournal.com]

I can just imagine Child Services trying to deal with this one. Maxine Gray shows up at CP9...takes one look around, and leaves

Lol, you get a cookie if you get that reference

[rare-fandom.livejournal.com]

**takes a cookie**

And you get a high five for a Judging Amy reference.

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

Aww, someone else got the cookie (didn't have a clue who that was, actually!) But yes, I would not want to be the social worker who tries to have a crack at that one...

[googlymooglies.livejournal.com]

THAT IS BRILLIANT XD

write it, write the sequel, you know you want to!!!

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

I do want to ^^; I probably wont' have the time, though, my life just got real busy. Glad you liked the psycho-family-drabble! ^_^

[seraphinhunter.livejournal.com]

:D This is just great.
<3!