Bi-curiousity is natural too... probably.

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

Title: All Natural
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 300, including omake thingy. I should have just gone over.
Pairing: Zoro and Sanji sort of...
Topic: Nature



Slowly is the key.

Gently guide the button through the hole, slowly now. The zipper will be noisy, so go slower.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Startled, Sanji quickly lets go and jumps back. Pointing an accusing finger, "What the hell? You, who doesn't wake up for a hurricane..."

"I wake up when I'm about to be assaulted," Zoro states.

"Hah. That's about the only time. I wasn't going to attack you."

Zoro just raises an eyebrow.

"Oh don't give me that look. I just need to... confirm something."

Zoro smirks, "Jealous?"

Sanji rolls his eyes. "As if I care! I'm curious, not bi-curious!"

Zoro then rolls his eyes. "Yes, well, that aside, what the hell were you doing?"

Sanji pauses. Then, in a quieter voice, "Is it natural?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Of course it's natural!" Zoro's hands indicate his crotch.

Sanji's forehead meets his palm in exasperation. "No! Not your thing! The color! What's the color?!"

It takes Zoro a while to figure out what Sanji means. When he does, the reaction is the same. "What the hell? Of course it's natural!" Zoro's hands reach for the hem of his underwear. "Wanna see?"

As Zoro begins to pull the cloth down Sanji starts. "Not all the way!"

He sees what he needs to and leaves. Zoro shakes his head, fastens his pants, and goes back to sleep.



Omake:


"USOPP!"

Usopp looks up to see Sanji storming towards him. "Oh, Sanji. How'd it go?"

"You owe me 10,000 beli. As if he'd know hair dye exists..."

"Wait a minute! I only owe you 1,000 beli!"

"The rest goes to pay the therapy bills I now need to pay because you gave me trauma!" Sanji directs a glare in his direction and Usopp gives up.






Huzzah. I bring you crack at the crack of dawn. My icon is almost appropriate, lol. I definitely want to read everyone else's stuff... but right now I need to sleep. (Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow... maybe.)

Comments

[mr-redrum.livejournal.com]

...hooo,poor the cook...after this,every time he's going to cook with sausage...he'll be keep reminded with some certain green sausage...wait,it's a green sausage even existed?...hahaha...really sorry for my perverted thoughts...anyway,another great-amusing-funny drabble from you!...long live for the crack of dawn,indeed...

[sporkbotic.livejournal.com]

Christ, I hope that's not what's green

[mr-redrum.livejournal.com]

...lol...anyway,I really sorry,but I just stalking into your lj. I really hope you didn't mind about it...and I kinda wonder, is that blood in your arm things is artificial wound?...if yes,are you made it by yourself?...and if yes again, I have to say,wow. it's a great talent that you have there...

ps: ever wonder to try to make zoro's artificial green penis?...again, I really sorry for my perverted thoughts...thank you!...

[sporkbotic.livejournal.com]

yeah. It's just some paint and latex and tissues. If you wanna see some really cool wounds, look for the thriller bark group from fanime. I was the zoro

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

lol! That would indicate serious problems. Zoro needs to consult Chopper.

I laughed so hard after reading this exchange. The more I thought about it the worse it got.

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

Wow, I hope Sanji doesn't associate Zoro's manparts with foodstuffs. It's way too much to think about. Sanji: the eternal cook.

I'm glad you liked, even if it could have been written a bit better. I shouldn't have bothered with the word limit and just gone over.

[nonoji.livejournal.com]

Thanks to Zoro, Sanji will be serving hotdogs with lettuce. And lots of green peppers. xD
Enjoyed this very much!!

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! If Sanji always served what was on his mind then every day would be hot dogs with some kind of green vegetable lots of oranges... right?

Thank you!

[mishagirl.livejournal.com]

HA! Pretty damn amusing! I like that Zoro is more than willing to prove how natural he is.

I wonder if Sanji had accused Zoro if his penis being fake if Zoro would feel the need to use it to prove it wasn't.

[mr-redrum.livejournal.com]

zoro: what?...you said my penis is a fake, cook?...how about if just give you the chance to try it out, anyway?...

sanji:(silent for a while)...'kay...only one round,though...and I kill you if you ever tell anyone about it, marimo...

zoro:(smirked)...deal...

(after round one finished)

zoro:(with a smug face)...so?...

sanji:(still panting)...average...I'm only will give you that...

zoro:che...you've got no taste,cook...(walking outside leave the cook alone)

(later that night, a shadow walk outside the ship, and straightly entering one shop)

the shadow:...uhm,...could you you give me a green hair dye,please?...

the shopkeeper:sure, sir!...

(while suavely walking back towards the ship with his cat-alike moves, the shadow muttering a bit)

the shadow:...hn, fucking shitty swordsman...I don't have no idea that his green penis could fucked peoples like that!...but, wonder am I also could fucked someone like that if I change mine into green too, though..

[mishagirl.livejournal.com]

ooo! Thanks for the amusing Omake!!

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

He was really fast. If Sanji hadn't said anything all of his clothes would have been off. "I'll show you natural cook!"

[pseudo-shigure.livejournal.com]

shit. i wish i still use my old icon that said something about me adore Zoro's "hair" or something like that. LOL. good fic!

[mr-redrum.livejournal.com]

...shit. I wish I had the chance to see your old icon...masih kamu simpen gak?...gue liat donk...yeah,kalo masih ada,seh...

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Zoro's hair is so much love.

[popkin16]

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Of course it's natural!" Zoro's hands indicate his crotch.

Sanji's forehead meets his palm in exasperation. "No! Not your thing! The color! What's the color?!"

OH ZORO! MARRY ME! I love it when he misunderstands.

Very amusing, I needed a good laugh. :D

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

Ah, I'm glad I could help. I made Sanji facepalm and I wrote it out. lol.

I think we all wish Zoro would marry us. Talk about security, right? Just always getting lost on vacations...

[popkin16]

Lol! A real life face palm! Nice. XD

Some people would probably prefer to marry Sanji (which would be nice, but I'm a Zoro fangirl). Oh, we'd be very secure! And as you said - lost, too. Which wouldn't be so bad at first, but once you get lost with your kids and have to listen to them whine, then it'd be bad.

*Wonders what Zoro would be like as a father*

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

You know, I've thought about this a lot... because, well, I'm obsessed or something.

But I was thinking that Sanji would make a very controllable husband (if you're a woman) and plus he's a top class chef, so hello added bonus. But I can't help but I bet he'd still flirt shamelessly (as much as a gentleman does anyway) with anything that vaguely resembles a pretty girl.

Yay! Another Zoro fangirl. Zoro would make a tolerant father; stern, but loving? lol.

[popkin16]

LOL! Obsessed or not, you had some good points.

Sanji would flirt with every pretty girl he meets. It'd be a difficult habit to break, so you'd have to be pretty tolerant. But mmm, the food. A woman might hold on to him for just that reason. Maybe. I know I would, anyway. I love my food.

It's nice to finally meet someone else who loves Zoro XD I was beginning to feel alone. I could see Zoro being tolerant and loving. Patient too, but as you said - stern. Sort of no-nonsense because he gets enough nonsense from his captain and crewmates.

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

The food? Apparently healthy, delicious, and never anything more or less than you could want. It would be so worth it. Any of the Straw Hats would be good marriage partners for various reasons.

Zoro's manliness is unmatched. I think he's really smart for being such an idiot sometimes, hahaha. As far as fathering a child he'd be good because he's responsible. Unlike me. A provider? XDDDD ... Would he be any fun?



"Zoro, it can't be just workworkwork all the time. Look at them. You need to play with them."

"Play?"

"Yeah. You know. It's where two or more people go run about while having fun."

"I know what playing is..." But Zoro's idea of playing consisted of lots of fighting. He didn't think children liked that sort of thing. Children played by pretending they were someone else.

Zoro thought about that a bit. "Like hell. Not my kids," he muttered. So Zoro got up to run around and have fun with his children (while physically exhausting them so that they could all take a nap).

*END*

Or something like that maybe. lol.

[popkin16]

Straw-Hats: Perfect For Marriage.

Zoro definitely has proven that he has some measure of intelligence - like his speech about why Ussop shouldn't be allowed back right away. And he is responsible.

But the image of him playing with this kids! *Applause* Your little scene was just perfect, especially the bit about him tiring out the children so they can all take a nap. He would so do tht. And his kids would use him as a big, snoring pillow. And his wife would be left doing all the housework.

It's official - the image of Zoro as a father is adorable.

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

Thanks! ^_^ I can imagine him taking a nap with a bunch of children laying on his stomach or in his haramaki. Ohemgee some of them would have green hair.

[popkin16]

You're welcome! Aw, little green-haired kids running around, then sleeping in his haramaki...XD

I seem to remember a fic where Sanji was unhappily thinking about what would happen if Zoro and Tashigi ended up together - and they'd have near-sighted, green-haired kids that would grow up thinking crackers are cookies or something, and that burnt meat is 'good enough'. I'll have to try and find that fic again.

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

Oh! That sounds hilarious. If you do find it I'd like to read it. (If it's not too much trouble.)

That sounds like a plausible story. Sanji being jealous that a girl pays more attention to Zoro than him. If the Straw Hats ever meet Buggy and Alvida again what would become of Sanji when he sees that Alvida is interested only in Luffy? lol.

(very) late reply... -_-;;

[popkin16]

It's no trouble at all! If I do find it, I'll be sure to message you with a link to it. It might be a long time from now, and you'll probably have forgotten who I am, but what does it matter in the way of good ficcage?

Well, Sanji had feelings for Zoro, and that's why he didn't like the idea of Zoro and Tashigi. Ooo, I never even thought about that! Sanji probably won't take being ignored in favor of Luffy by a woman. I'm sure there will be much lawl-ing if Oda does draw that scene. Random thought, but what if Gin saw Sanji's Wanted Poster, then met Duval? Would they fanboy Sanji together, or fall madly in love? D:

Better than no reply

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

I won't forget you! I've pretty much never had a conversation with anyone about fandom stuff before this.

If Gin found Duval I bet they'd fanboy together. Sanji is a bunch of dude's "knight in shining armor". lol

BTW - Happy (Belated) Birthday! I saw mr_redrum's post.

[popkin16]

^_^ I'm going through my memories so I can put together a SanZo list, so if I run across it I'll send it to you! Haha, if you say you won't forget me, I believe you. XD

They probably would fanboy together, I agree. And argue over who was better suited for Sanji. Oh god, does that make them the damsels in distress? D:

Thank you very much for the birthday wishes! :)

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

lol, I'm sure Duval is way more interested in himself than anyone else now. Thinking back to Gin, isn't he ridiculously strong? Sanji would have lost back then if Gin hadn't held back, right? Well... there were circumstances.

"So we meet again Sanji-san!"

"Gin... I'm surprised you made it back to the Grand Line."

"What's this about?" Gin held up Sanji's wanted poster. "They messed up your lovely visage!"

"I know! That's what I keep telling everybody! I mean..." Waitaminute. What 'lovely visage'?!

"Sanji-san, join my crew!"

"Um... right, that's okay. I'm already on a crew." Sanji backed away and ran as fast as he could back to the Sunny. "It's no good guys! We need to leave this town right away! It's full of very bad people!"

Everyone started at this. "We've only just reached land!" Usopp complained.

"Yeah, what's this all about?" Franky asked. "We can take on any number of 'bad people'." A general murmur of agreement was heard.

"No time to explain, we just need to go NOW!" The 'now' was said with much savage force. No one dared argue back.



Oh, I just thought of something! This (http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b396/shuuyatou/pero.png) can be for your birthday. It's not appropriate or that good at all, but now you have the satisfaction of knowing that there's a drawing that's been dedicated to you. lol! (I get very low traffic at deviantART so I feel this is underappreciated (it probably isn't)).

[popkin16]

Sanji would definitely have lost if Gin hadn't held back. Now though...Sanji's pretty strong himself. I suppose it depends on what Gin's been up to since they parted ways. Hahahaha, and in the background, Duval's going, "WHAT DID YOU SAY? I'M HANDSOME? WHY THANK YOU SANJI-SAMA." That poor, confused Mugiwara crew. One day, they will learn the horror of Sanji's fanboys followers.

*_* Thank you so much! <3 <3 <3 I think it's amazing! I'm so grateful for the pic. What's your DeviantArt name, I want to add you to my friends list (if it's okay with you)?

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

My deviantART name is shuuyatou, same as my photobucket. You'll be my second friend. I guess just sitting and waiting for friends when you don't actually do anything doesn't work. lolz. I'm glad you liked the pic. It was fun to draw.

I should try to write something cracky for this week's prompt using Gin and Duval... Or maybe not... I can only think of horribly bad things that involve what part of Sanji either of them will get. That's creepy, not cracky.

[popkin16]

lol I've friended you on DA. XD

I would love some Duval & Gin crack, though I agree with you - arguing over which part of Sanji they'll get is a bit creepy. I'm no good with crack idea's, so I really wouldn't be much help. :(

[reddy-chan.livejournal.com]

Lmao, poor Sanji xD !!
"I wake up when I'm about to be assaulted," Zoro states.
XD lol!!
"What's the color?!"
Ahahaha, Sanji's curiousity has reached its peak! XD and this must be the bet he made with Ussopp!

[vulpus-mirus.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Oh man, I just realized that it would have been funnier if the omake went something like this:

"You win, but you owe me 9,000 beli."

"What? No way! You owe me 1,000 beli!"

"Yes, but you have to pay 10,000 for my therapy bills, asshole. You can deduct the 1,000 from that."