(no subject)

[fantsywever.livejournal.com]

 

Title: Shackled by a Promise
Rating: G
Word Count: 200
Pairing: Zoro and Usopp,
Topic: Freedom

We always think of him as immortal. But he is not.

We think of him as free but he is not.

He’s held tighter then the rest of us,

Shackled by a promise he made so long ago.

 

He knows I watch him,

As I spin even more lies.

My mind is elsewhere,

What could I create

That would set him free?

 

No one knows the promise,

What it contains,

We do know

That it chains him to death’s edge.

 

If this were a story,

The promise would be,

Yet another monster,

Seeking to take

My treasure away

From me.

 

And I’d stand fearless and strong

And just before it traps him

In venemous jaws,

I'd shoot, and kill it

And Zoro would be free.

To live as he wills it.

 

I wish I could do that

And release him from

The bonds of the past

But he doesn’t want them to go.

 

And if I broke the shackles of the promise

That keep him close to death.

It wouldn’t be freedom,

He’d still be bound,

Still be chained

 

But chained to life and living

And to me.

 

I don’t think that would be fair.

Still I wish it.

 

Comments

[mr-redrum.livejournal.com]

hello,I just would like you to know,that I love your poetry...if there is someone that understand about zoro's true power and promise,then trying to tell it into a deep poetry,that someone must be usopp...going to save this one...thank you for writing it ^_^...

[printfogey.livejournal.com]

Um, late reply just to say that I rather liked this one, how the feel of Usopp's thoughts come through, and it feels fresh and original while still plausibly IC. I think it works as a poem, too, although a few of the lines seem a bit too proselike to me. Granted, that's fairly common with modern poetry, but personally I still prefer poetry to feel more rhythmical and free-flowing. Which most of this piece does!

[fantsywever.livejournal.com]

which few lines, by the way it turned into a poem only because the imsgery does not work in prose.

[printfogey.livejournal.com]

Hm, probably "Shackled by a promise he made so long ago"

and "But he doesn't want them to go".

In my eyes that is.

it turned into a poem only because the imsgery does not work in prose.

That sounds interesting. I have no quibble with it being a poem, however. I like poetry.