(no subject)

[salmon-pink.livejournal.com]

Title: Mongering
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 266
Pairing: Kaku/Lucci
Topic: Doors


Everyone turns to stare at Fukurou.

Kalifa adjusts her glasses. Blueno looks on impassively. Jyabura turns white as a sheet.

Lucci stares straight ahead. Kaku lowers his head slightly, cap tilting over his eyes.

“T-they,” Jyabura stammers, pointing wildly between Lucci and Kaku. “They had sex?”

“Chapapapa,” Fukurou nods solemnly.

“In my room?!” Spandam wails.

“It was nearer,” Kaku mutters under his breath.

“Well, I suppose it’s a valid way of releasing tension,” Kalifa says with a delicate shrug, ignoring Kumadori as he hops across the room, loudly praying for the twisted and doomed love affair.

“I-I guess,” Spandam whimpers, throwing a wary look at Lucci.

“That’s sexual harassment,” Kalifa informs him.

“For agreeing with you?” Spandam cries, but is largely ignored.

“Whatever, I don’t want to hear any more about it,” Jyabura snaps over the sound of Kumadori attempting to sacrifice himself so that Lucci and Kaku can live on in happiness.

“Chapapapa,” Fukurou replies in understanding. “Lucci likes it rough, when Kaku doesn’t give him time to adjust and pounds him relentlessly into the mattress.”

Jyabura slides bonelessly out of his chair. Kumadori’s knife stops in midair. Kaku discretely clears his throat and looks at the ground.

“Oh, I told them,” Fukurou says in a small voice.

“How exactly do you know that?” Lucci asks quietly, and everyone’s eyes turn to him.

“Blueno made a tiny air door in the wall for us to spy through,” Fukurou replies instantly.

All eyes turn to Blueno’s empty chair, the barely audible click of a closing door ringing in the silence.

Kumadori recommences trying to stab himself.

Comments

[ohsnap9292.livejournal.com]

Kumadori recommences trying to stab himself.

I died of laughter.

[salmon-pink.livejournal.com]

How dare you! Kumadori's life is a tale of tragedy and despair! All he wants is to die so that Lucci and Kaku may have wilddirtymonkeysex in peace, but his Tekai won't let the knife pierce his skin! How dare you laugh at his pain! How very dare you!

[ohsnap9292.livejournal.com]

Maybe he should just film the wilddirtymonkeysex and sell the tapes. Fangirls worldwide would sell their very soul for the magical pron what is Lucci/Kaku.

[nirsicle.livejournal.com]

I died too. XD

I think this is the first time I've felt sorry for Spandam.

[salmon-pink.livejournal.com]

If Spandam's a smart cookie, he'd install security cameras in his room on the off-chance it happens again. But he's not a smart cookie. He's Spandam. So he'll probably just end up spilling hot coffee on himself and falling down the stairs.

[nirsicle.livejournal.com]

How about... for just a brief moment, like a second or so, he THOUGHT about cameras. But that sort of thinking resulted in him spilling his coffee on himself, fall down the stairs, and having Funkfreed sit on him. :D

[seraphinhunter.livejournal.com]

This is funny and somewhat hot. Brilliant :D

[salmon-pink.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I am now imaging the others attempting to quiz Lucci further on the subject of his sex life, only for him to pull the face he's using in your icon and then telling them every. Filthy. Little. Detail. Jyabura would probably throw himself out of the window after the first five minutes.

[seraphinhunter.livejournal.com]

X.x I bet Lucci would even manage to make Kaku blush while telling them every filthy little detail... Now I've got blushing Kaku stuck in my mind.

[travellyr.livejournal.com]

XD Which is probably the point.

If they're going to be nosy, why not make them sorry they asked, ne?

[beanchan.livejournal.com]

*dies happily*

[salmon-pink.livejournal.com]

What? She was dead when I got here! *shifty eyes*

[dark-kaomi.livejournal.com]

I don't know who I feel worse for.

[salmon-pink.livejournal.com]

Funkfreed. Feel worse for Funkfreed. He was in Spandam's room at the time. XD

[dark-kaomi.livejournal.com]

OH GOD! The trauma that poor sword must have felt. How could you Spandam!? And I thought I couldn't had him more than I already did.

[horusguard76.livejournal.com]

XD Too much information!

LOL That was awesome. Spot on. Loved the final punch. What a wiciked little brood, all of CP9. (damn, I haven't read a CP9 story for ages, kinda missed it)

[salmon-pink.livejournal.com]

CP9 are a special kind of crazy. I almost wish they had a spin-off, just so we could see all their wacky adventures. It should be like a sitcom! With a laugh track! The audience should wolf-whistle every time Kalifa walks on stage, and she'd keep breaking the fourth wall to tell them it's sexual harassment!

...Damn, got a bit carried away there.

[horusguard76.livejournal.com]

I hear you! A CP9 spin-off would be awesome. After all they were THE best villains in OP so far (in my book Croko was just boring, Nora was much more interesting during the Skypia arc than Ener had ever been and Thriller Bark just wasn't that thrilling as it was supposed to be, Water 7/Enies Lobby was way better imo.)

Actually come to think of it... why didn't CP9 get a play ground like Thriller Bark? A 'thrilling' adventure zoo? but I like the sitcom idea too. Especially the sexual harassment! And they coffee, lots of coffee! I can already see the audience threatening Spandam with it... *angelic smile*

[rare-fandom.livejournal.com]

So much awsome. So much awsome.

[salmon-pink.livejournal.com]

Nobody in CP9 can have any secrets. Fukurou owns them all. XD

[runic-binary.livejournal.com]

Hey, um.

Will you marry me?

...'Cause...you know. I think I love you. Like. A lot. ♥

[salmon-pink.livejournal.com]

Only if you can cook, or are happy to live on a diet of take-out and Cherry Coke. ;D

[runic-binary.livejournal.com]

I make a kickass omelette. =D

[salmon-pink.livejournal.com]

Race you to the chapel.

[salmon-pink.livejournal.com]

Fukurou doesn't get to win often enough. Tis a crying shame. XD

[cptn-shinigami.livejournal.com]

Superb! Absoutely brilliant! *applause*

...huh? *is murdered by Lucci*

[oskalaboska.livejournal.com]

I haven't ever thought about this couple.

this is hilarious *clicks little heart icon*

[maldoror-gw.livejournal.com]

My favorite bit of a whole lot of favorite bits is Kumadori doin' his thang in the background, ignored by all. 'Jyabura snaps over the sound of Kumadori attempting to sacrifice himself so that Lucci and Kaku can live on in happiness' slayed me.

...Good thing Blueno's got a fool-proof escape method. Comes in handy.

[travellyr.livejournal.com]

*Facedown on the desk wheezing*
oh GOD. XD MADE for Blueno. Made.

[mifril-neir.livejournal.com]

dear it's INCREDIBLE!) Could you please let me translate it into Russian (all credits will be given)?

[galael.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD XD I almost died from laughter here XD